scared, but I know its the right thing
Im scared to death. This morning, it hit me hard that I am leaving. the tears came. I know i am only leaving for 3 months, so most people wouldnt understand why it is so emotional for me. Let me explain.
I have worked the same job with the same people for over two years. I have become so comfortable there. Really, it the first time I have ever felt at home at a job. Its somewhere that I belong. Really, for the first time in my whole life, I have felt a real sence of belonging. And where a very real part of me wants to leave and find something better for my life, a part of me is scared to death to do so. I lvoe the people I work with, and i am scared that I will never find something like that again. Plus, when you waste years of your life working at a job like that, you start to feel like its the only thing you would ever be good at. I will miss the Dollar store a lot.
Plus, i also feel horrible for leaving my sister in the middle of her pregnancy. At a time when she would need me the most. I am just leaving. She cant even walk, and I wont be here to help out with the kids. it sucks, I want to be in both places.
On top of that, despite the fact that I am only leaving briefly, I know that when I come home, there will be people who will be gone, that I will miss so much. Rob is taking Ellen away, Jen is going to School, Tina and Trevor are leaving, and it seems to me I am forgetting someone else who is leaving. So basically, I will be really lonely when i come home.
And that is why it is so hard for me to leave. And that is why I sat at the kitchen table this morning with a bowl of peas and just started to the crying. Ellen must have thought I was crazy.
But despite the fear and anxiety I am feeling right now, I know that I made the right descision by leaving the Dollarama, because it has all but killed my potential as a person. I have become stuck there, and it was either get out of there now, or rot there and grow old and bitter full of regrets about the life I never lived. So that is why I decided to leave.
I assume that you really didnt care to hear all that, but it was just on my mind this morning, so that is why I had to blog about it.
I have worked the same job with the same people for over two years. I have become so comfortable there. Really, it the first time I have ever felt at home at a job. Its somewhere that I belong. Really, for the first time in my whole life, I have felt a real sence of belonging. And where a very real part of me wants to leave and find something better for my life, a part of me is scared to death to do so. I lvoe the people I work with, and i am scared that I will never find something like that again. Plus, when you waste years of your life working at a job like that, you start to feel like its the only thing you would ever be good at. I will miss the Dollar store a lot.
Plus, i also feel horrible for leaving my sister in the middle of her pregnancy. At a time when she would need me the most. I am just leaving. She cant even walk, and I wont be here to help out with the kids. it sucks, I want to be in both places.
On top of that, despite the fact that I am only leaving briefly, I know that when I come home, there will be people who will be gone, that I will miss so much. Rob is taking Ellen away, Jen is going to School, Tina and Trevor are leaving, and it seems to me I am forgetting someone else who is leaving. So basically, I will be really lonely when i come home.
And that is why it is so hard for me to leave. And that is why I sat at the kitchen table this morning with a bowl of peas and just started to the crying. Ellen must have thought I was crazy.
But despite the fear and anxiety I am feeling right now, I know that I made the right descision by leaving the Dollarama, because it has all but killed my potential as a person. I have become stuck there, and it was either get out of there now, or rot there and grow old and bitter full of regrets about the life I never lived. So that is why I decided to leave.
I assume that you really didnt care to hear all that, but it was just on my mind this morning, so that is why I had to blog about it.
posted by Lisa @ 8:06 a.m.
2 Comments:
At 8:07 a.m.,
Sara said…
Lisa, this is the first step to the rest of your life. Of course you're going to mourn your old life, it was your comfort zone, but now your free to move on and do wwhatever you want and go wherever you want. Francine will be fine, not that she doesn't need you, but she''l survive, God will take care of her while you're away. I'm so happy for you Lisa, I'm so excited to see the awesome things that God has in store for you. You rock and you have amazing potential to do whatever you want and with God you can overcome anything. Don't ever forget that!
At 7:51 p.m.,
Ben said…
I care Lisa, Jesus is going to do amazing things in your life and through your life. And when you find that niche, you are going to amaze every one. I really believe that.
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