everything

everything.
That's what God wants.
My all.
He really doesn't get it though.
He gets the parts of me that i dont mind giving up. But then there is the parts that I am not willing to surrender. Like I think that I can do a better job of running my life than him.
Ever get sick of failing, of falling? Ever think about the true state of your heart and get sick. The selfishness, the pride, the hate, all the filth. And it is frightning. Because fooling people is the easy part, show up to church dressed nice, and wear your biggest smile, and the averadge person is fooled. But God sees through smooth exterior, and cares only about the heart. He knows our hidden sins, our shameful thoughts, our lowest moments. Yet somehow, despite the crap, the garbage, the sin, he cares. Why? I don't get it. Because if I were God, I would have given up on me a long time ago.

This is just a song about those times when you really start to feel trapped in sin. Overwhelmed, and confused and ashamed. When you feel like God must hate you for how you proclaim his name so proudly, then crumble and cave time and time again.

Somebody Hold Me

Day after day, Im building this life for myself
night after night, finding myself more caught up in this filth
I know all the right things to say
you see a smile and you know it's all okay
but inside there's a soul that is dying
like a fearful child always crying
somebody hold me and tell me, it's gonna be alright

I feel so lost and chained in this place
It's hard to breathe, and Im seeing no escape
what have i done, look who Ive become
I bow my head, but Im too ashamed to pray
somebody hold me and tell me, that he loves me anyway

Time after time, telling you God that I'm sorry
little by little, finding myself more ashamed of who I am
I know that your grace is real
I see you there, the only one who can heal
but theres something thats holding me here
chained to guilt and drowning in fear
somebody hold me and tell me,it's gonna be alright