stubborn heart

Ever become very aware of your sin? Have a moment when you realize the true state of your heart? I am becoming very aware of all of this right now. My sin? Rebeliousness, and stuborness. Just ask my dad, I remember he always used to lecture me about my problem with authority. He used to tell me that I would have a whole lot of trouble in my life accepting Gods authority if I couldnt even accept my parents authority in my life. He was very right as it turns out. See, my human nature likes to be in control. I like to make my own choices and chart my own path. Turns out I suck at it. I dont like to be told no. I hate when people tell me what to do. I never liked schoold teachers, I hated rules.. Ive always hated that God created women to submit to men. And ifever there was a rule that I didnt understand,I would always have to question it(or possibly just ignore it). Rebellion. Yup, a stubborn heart. God is really showing me right now that I have to let go. Die, that is what he asks. He asks us to die to ourselves, our will, our wishes, our everything. Wow, is that ever hard to do. Let go of the control, and just trust. Yet somehow, this feeble mind thinks it can run my life best. I prove that theory wrong time and time again.
I dont want to run my own life, because I am no good at it. God knows what is best for us, he is our creator. He doesnt want our lives to be miserable, he wants us to be happy, but when we do things without him, it wont ever make us happy. He wants is to submit to him, not to make us unhappy, to to give us love, joy, peace........ By giving upour lives to him, despite the fact that it is difficult, we gain so much. His yoke is easy and his burden is light. So by trying to hang on to our lives, we loose big time. The rebeliousness destroys us. So hopefully, God can help me, and you to give it up.

Mark 8:35 (New International Version)
35For whoever wants to save his life[a] will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.