stubborn heart

Ever become very aware of your sin? Have a moment when you realize the true state of your heart? I am becoming very aware of all of this right now. My sin? Rebeliousness, and stuborness. Just ask my dad, I remember he always used to lecture me about my problem with authority. He used to tell me that I would have a whole lot of trouble in my life accepting Gods authority if I couldnt even accept my parents authority in my life. He was very right as it turns out. See, my human nature likes to be in control. I like to make my own choices and chart my own path. Turns out I suck at it. I dont like to be told no. I hate when people tell me what to do. I never liked schoold teachers, I hated rules.. Ive always hated that God created women to submit to men. And ifever there was a rule that I didnt understand,I would always have to question it(or possibly just ignore it). Rebellion. Yup, a stubborn heart. God is really showing me right now that I have to let go. Die, that is what he asks. He asks us to die to ourselves, our will, our wishes, our everything. Wow, is that ever hard to do. Let go of the control, and just trust. Yet somehow, this feeble mind thinks it can run my life best. I prove that theory wrong time and time again.
I dont want to run my own life, because I am no good at it. God knows what is best for us, he is our creator. He doesnt want our lives to be miserable, he wants us to be happy, but when we do things without him, it wont ever make us happy. He wants is to submit to him, not to make us unhappy, to to give us love, joy, peace........ By giving upour lives to him, despite the fact that it is difficult, we gain so much. His yoke is easy and his burden is light. So by trying to hang on to our lives, we loose big time. The rebeliousness destroys us. So hopefully, God can help me, and you to give it up.

Mark 8:35 (New International Version)
35For whoever wants to save his life[a] will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.

I am free

Galatians 2:20 (New International Version

20I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Romans 8:38-39 (New International Version)

38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord

Ephesians 2:4-10 (New International Version)

4But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. 6And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 7in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. 8For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9not by works, so that no one can boast. 10For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do


This self that lives
it has to die
for Christ to rule
and live through I

So its not me
who now is here
but only him
who conquered fear

This is the hope
that I now hold
your making good
of a heart so cold

my own strength
to you is weak
but you give grace
to us who seek

For nothing good
was born of me
the second birth
it makes us free

with nothing left
but you to save
Ill hold the hand
that destroyed the grave

I love the other David too(Biblical one)

Now, at first this may seem like a depressing blog when you read the first scripture. But actually, I find much comfort in them. I love David(yes, my b /f, but the one in the Bible I am refering to right now). I love that he was a man of God, and a man after Gods own heart, but he screwed up in a big bad way. Anyway, these two passages offer some hope to me.


Psalm 38
A psalm of David. A petition. 1 O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your wrath.
2 For your arrows have pierced me, and your hand has come down upon me.
3 Because of your wrath there is no health in my body; my bones have no soundness because of my sin.
4 My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear.
5 My wounds fester and are loathsome because of my sinful folly.
6 I am bowed down and brought very low; all day long I go about mourning.
7 My back is filled with searing pain; there is no health in my body.
8 I am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart.
9 All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you.
10 My heart pounds, my strength fails me; even the light has gone from my eyes.
11 My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds; my neighbors stay far away.
12 Those who seek my life set their traps, those who would harm me talk of my ruin; all day long they plot deception.
13 I am like a deaf man, who cannot hear, like a mute, who cannot open his mouth;
14 I have become like a man who does not hear, whose mouth can offer no reply.
15 I wait for you, O LORD; you will answer, O Lord my God.
16 For I said, "Do not let them gloat or exalt themselves over me when my foot slips."
17 For I am about to fall, and my pain is ever with me.
18 I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin.
19 Many are those who are my vigorous enemies; those who hate me without reason are numerous.
20 Those who repay my good with evil slander me when I pursue what is good.
21 O LORD, do not forsake me; be not far from me, O my God.
22 Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior.


Psalm 40:1-3 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
Psalm 40
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD


PRAISE GOD.......

I love David

I think you all should know that I lovemy boyfriend. He is awesome. Its like God hand picked him for me. He is so patient. Most guys would so be gone by now. He holds me when I cry, and prays with me. He tells me that he loves me constantly. He sees beauty in me that I cannot for the life of me understand. And he doesnt even know that he is the one that is so awesome. I respect him more than any other guy ive ever even thought of dating. I love him more everytime I see him. God is amazing really. I cant imagine how I could deserve the gifts he has given me in my life. And do you want to know how I thank him? By doubting, not trusting, and being self involved. I need Jesus every minute of every day so he can change me. So t.hat I can learn to trust him. Because he does show his love to me. I just sometimes dont see that, I just ignore his gifts

Im weak

Im struggling right now, like you wouldnt believe. satan is trying to kill my faith. Ive never felt so attacked in all of my life. My sins, in all of their uglyness are being thrown in my face, constantly. The voive of satan, yelling at me, taunting me, telling me Im not good enough, telling me that Ive gone too far. Telling me that Ive missed my chance. Visions of Hell, and me burning. The feeling like I have to vomit,like I cant eat.I ve spent countless hours crying, pleading for God to save me, for God to forgive me, for God to give me joy again. I only blog about this because I thought that maybe somewhere out there someone is going through the same thing and this blog may be encouraging. Im having a moment of clarity. Guess what,I know Ive sinned, I hate my sin, I know what it deserves. But guess what, Its not about me. Its about Jesus. Jesus paid it all. Its about how good God is, not about how good Lisa is. I know God wants me to die to myself, give up myself for him. Sin is not suitable for Gods children, but it is forgiven. I have screwed up in some major ways. I have grieved the heart of God. And for that I am deeply sorry. I hate my sin, but God forgives it. Thanks from the bottom of my heart to anyone who has been praying for me. Please dont stop. I need prayers. But right now, I can tell the prayers are working.

In Christ alone
MY HOPE IS FOUND
he is my light my stregth my song
this cornerstone this solid ground
firm through the firercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
when FEARS ARE STILLED when strivings cease
my comforter, my all and all
here in the love of Christ I STAND

NO GUILT IN LIFE NO FEAR IN DEATH
this is the POWER OF CHRIST IN ME
From lifes first cry, to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
NO POWER OF HELL, NO SCHEME OF MAN
COULD EVER PLUCK ME FROM HIS HAND
Till he returns or calls me home
Here in the POWER OF CHRIST ILL STAND