So, I am thinking that I have some sort of sleeping disorder. I can't sleep. I laid in bed for 5 hours so far today and have not slept yet.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!
I am very tired. I even got up out of bed, and went to Walmart to get some sleeping pills to help, needless to say, they didn't help! They did kinda make me high though, I felt really weird, and all my limbs were numb, I could hardly move my body, but my mind seemed to be working okay!
Holy crap. I just want to sleep. Ive given up on trying tho. I can't sleep. And yesterday, I fell asleep easily, but two hours later I woke up feeling refreshed and wide awake. Weird eh! The same thing the day before yesterday.
Friggin' wind, blowing on my stupid wall, like what the frig. Stop being so friggin' windy, someone is trying to sleep in here. Friggin idiot wind.
Well, as long as those sleeping pills make me fool good, at least there is something good about this day!(kidding)(or am I!)
Have a wicked good day all of you who are priviledged enough to sleep when you have to.
PS-Simply Sleep pills, SUCK!!!

Night Time Television and the human mind

Wow, It's twenty to six on a Thursday morning, and I totally just spent the last like 10 hours watching tv. Well, actually, I napped for a couple of hours and even stole my roomates car briefly to run to the store and get some pop. Hurray for calling in dead at work last night.
Here is the thing with the tv. We have like 1000 channels, so, naturally, having grown up with just the two channels(CBC and ATV), one would think that the options were unlimited. Not so at all.
I just laid there scrolling thru the channels, trying to find just one good thing to watch, and do you think that I could? Not a chance.
So, instead of turning the tele off and finding something useful to do with my time(as useful as time can be in the middle of the night in CH'Town), I watched some mind numbing tv, that may well have killed more brain cells than smoking weed could do in a lifetime.
Did you ever see Sex and the City. If yes, thats too bad. If no, really don't feel like you've missed out on anything. Basic story, these girls have sex with a lot of men and try to figure out why their lives are so empty(I have only seen one episode, so maybe Im wrong about it, doubt it tho).
Oh, and I wacth a small portion of Sues' Sunday Night Sex Show. And I don't care who you are, that lady is plain old creepy. And yet again, for the second time in one night, I was tought that sex was just a pleasurable act that really wasn't special and that everyone should do it with anyone, as long as they are "safe"
Anyway, I could list all of the shows that I watched tonight, but I won't. I could tell you why the tv is evil, but I wont.
I will tell you this tho. I am yet again quitting watching the tv. I did it for a month not too long ago(well, I actually didn't make it a month), and I found it was a really good chance for to grow. So, Ill see if I can't do it again.
Tv is a big waste of time. A big stupid waste of time. Although, I do recommend that you watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition. Unless of course, it causes you to lust after Ty(you know who you are).

Girls do fart uno

So, I work at the Dollar store. And up until this point, i have worked entirely with girls. Five of us, all girls physically, but u see, we totally fart a lot, and show off our poops, and tell some pretty nasty stories which would make most guys sick.
But recently, they hired two men to work nights with us, and sometimes, I forget that they are around.
So, if these two men were at all disillusioned about women before they started working with us, we have crushed there bubble beyond repair. Girls poop(and brag when they are the size of baseballs), they fart, they itch themselves when they have too.
Ask any married man! When they first met their beautiful bride to be, there were no smelly noises from their bums, or mouths. And if their girlfriend had to poop, she did it at home, when he wasn't around. Couple weeks after the honeymoon ended, we make up for lost time.

Anyway, just wanted to share that with you

Please just answer this one question

What does Jesus mean to you?

Sinful Nature days(who peed in your Cornflakes?)

Did you ever wake up on the wrong side of the bed just before the world peed in your cornflakes?
Have the kinda day where one thing after another goes wrong? Maybe nothing even goes wrong, but everything goes right for everyone around you?
Or maybe just the kind of day where you couldn't even explain to someone why you are so cranky because honestly, you don't even know yourself.
On those days, you'd feel like an optomist to even be able to say that the glass is half empty, because as far as you can tell, someone came along and drank your water and smashed the metaphorical glass on the floor.
You woke up, and probably should have just rolled over and gone back to sleep, because by facing the world on this day, you are doing nobody any favors.
You are not a pleasure to be around, and clearly, as anyone could tell, you are just friggin' cranky.
On days like these, I complain, I growl, I grumble. I become the victim, like everyone and everything(God not excluded) is out to get me.
I have too much to do, and too little time to do it, a stupid driver just had to cut me off only to drive 40 in front of me, the lineup at the grocery store takes forever, and to make matters worse, my boss threatened my job yet again.
Sinful nature days, that is what I call them. When, for some reason, different for everyone and every situation, we forget who we are, and what we represent, and who is working in us, and we freak. And though we don't recall making a choice, we sure do. We decide that despite the nagging of the Holy Spirit telling us to love, we will hate. Despite the calling of the cross to deny ourself, we indulge ourselves in self-pity. And despite the fact that the hugest favor ever known to man was given to us freely through the sacrifice of Christ, we shut him out.
Complain, complain, complain...justify our acts...complain some more.
How do we combat these sinful nature days? Cause I know, that once you get caught up in a bad attitude, it is a trap that seems unescapable.

If you are having one of those days, or even if your not today, but know some day you will, here are some scriptures that may help fight the urge to indulge in the sinful nature and help you to live by the Spirit.

Phil 2:3-11

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility considers others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God, Did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearence of a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death-even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of the Father.

Phil 2:14-16
Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without finding fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life-in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.

Phil 4:12-13
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Gal 5:16-26
So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious:sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft;hatred, discord, jelousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkeness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with it's passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

2 Cor 4:16-18
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Rom 8:5-8
Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires:but those that live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of the sinful man is death, but the mind of the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.


So, on those days where we are angry for no reason, or even if we have a reason. And when we feel like lashing out at people, sinful nature days, lets remember who we are and what Christ accomplished for us on the cross. Attitude is everything, and a bad attitude will destroy us as servants. Listen to the Spirit.
And yes, you will screw up, I do all the time. I freak out for no reason and my attitude turns to crap. Like one second Im right on fire for Jesus, and the next second Im wallowing in self-pity! I call that manic spirituality. Good thing for us Christ chose to die. And when he died, he took our sins. Not just the ones before we were saved, but every sin, ever. And remember, Jesus was here, he knows what it is like to be tempted in everyway, just like us. So go to him, pray to him, and ask him for help when you need it. And trust that he'll forgive your bad attitude and other acts of the sinful nature.

Heb 12:1-3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning it's shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that u will not grow weary and lose heart.

Being a Childlike Adult

Do you remember being a kid, when everything just made sense. And everything just came so easily? It's like you spend all your young years, assuming that they will never come to an end, then 'BAM', just like that, you are an adult. No more free living, no more groceries in the fridge that you didn't pay for, no more free education.
It happens so suddenly, you just wake up one day, and you realize that nothing is the same as it once was.
Now I am not ancient or anything, I'm only just 23 years old, but I feel about 45. I guess day after day working the same job, going nowhere, it affects you.
I remember when I graduated from high school and I though that my whole life was ahead of me. I thought I could do anything. And I remember going to what should have been my college graduation and realizing maybe for the first time, that I had failed.
With no hopes and no dreams, I gave up searching for anything I could get out of life. I traded my future in for a very low paying job at the dollar store and have been trapped ever since.
And all you can see when your in this trap is every moment you are losing a little piece of life that you can never get back. Wasting your youth stocking shelves that will be emptied the next day. Night after night after night till a week turns into a year and a year turns into two and one day just fades into the next until you don't even know what day it is anymore.
Was this where I wanted my life to be? Was this what I had planned? Not a chance. I was going to go on mission trips, make a difference in lives, change the world.
Now, here I am, just barely grown up, trying to figure out what to do, where to go. I sometimes wish that God would just come into my house and say 'Lisa do..........'. But he hasn't yet, and I doubt he ever will. So, what will I do? Well, maybe the passion that I have inside of me is God's way of telling me what I should do. Maybe if I forget about the dumb mistakes from the pass and the failures, then I can move forward. Maybe if I just let go of the stupid stuff that holds me back. Maybe if I just trust that if I take a chance God will take care of me.
Being an adult is hard sometimes, and sometimes, I just want to curl up in my bed and cry because life can be overwhelming. Or maybe, just maybe I am just looking for an exuse not to have to move forward cause I am so comfortable in my poopy life that I don't really want to move.
Maybe, just maybe, being an adult with a childlike faith would be the key. A faith that no matter where I go, or what I do(even if it is the dollar store)I tell people about the love of Jesus, and love others the way Christ loves me.Maybe that is the key to being a content adult. It's not about what I do or where I go, it's about what I do, wherever I am.
Hmmmm, maybe that is the answer

Sanity, singleness, and sex

This actually has nothing to do with sex, I just wrote that to get your frikin' attention.

Life can be weird, and annoying, and sometimes, friggin' depressing. Watching everyone you care about, slowly, one by one, falling in love and getting married. Having no date to yet another wedding, it sometimes feels like I am a lost cause! Hopeless.

The youngest of 5, I am the only single one in my family. And. as of July, I'll be the only one not to have taken a job as executive producer in the baby factory.

So sometimes, it feels like I am alone. Like everyone is all grown up but me, the big loser who works a crappy job, who has no one to come home to, who has no one to share life with. Kinda like a wanderer. I love my family more than anything, and my nieces bring me such great joy, but sometimes, I just get jelous, or anxious, or lonely or whatever you call it. I'm 23 and have been in 6 weddings(nun of which were my own!!)

So, what have I decided? The bitterness about being 'alone', it has to go. I have to be happy for people who are lucky enough to fall in love. Because like it or, right now, I am single, and could possibly be forever, and the only thing dwelling on it will do is kill me.

I need to enjoy every single moment that I have, and God willing, someday, I may me mr. Right(or maybe just Mr. Will have me). I want to get married, and would love to have a family, but right now I don't. And every minute I spend thinking about how badly I want that, doesn't make me married. So, What to do? Enjoy life, thank God every day, and trust him. He doesn't want to destroy me, or give me a crap hole life, he is the creator of every good and perfect gift. He knows my heart and my every desire.

So, the other day, I said to God 'God, I trust you'
And that was all. Cause holding on to the bitterness, the only one it hurts is me.

Now, if you are in my situation(which I hope ure not),just enjoy life as it is today. Say thanks to God for what you have. Trust that he knows what is best for you. Stop looking at every man like he is a potential husband(I am guilty of this). And just enjoy the love of Jesus, cause unlike a man, he will satisfy u, without fail, and will NEVER let you down.

If you made it to the end of this, wow, hurray. Because I am a novelist at heart, and can never stop writting.
Have a wiked good day

Giterdun