scared, but I know its the right thing

Im scared to death. This morning, it hit me hard that I am leaving. the tears came. I know i am only leaving for 3 months, so most people wouldnt understand why it is so emotional for me. Let me explain.
I have worked the same job with the same people for over two years. I have become so comfortable there. Really, it the first time I have ever felt at home at a job. Its somewhere that I belong. Really, for the first time in my whole life, I have felt a real sence of belonging. And where a very real part of me wants to leave and find something better for my life, a part of me is scared to death to do so. I lvoe the people I work with, and i am scared that I will never find something like that again. Plus, when you waste years of your life working at a job like that, you start to feel like its the only thing you would ever be good at. I will miss the Dollar store a lot.
Plus, i also feel horrible for leaving my sister in the middle of her pregnancy. At a time when she would need me the most. I am just leaving. She cant even walk, and I wont be here to help out with the kids. it sucks, I want to be in both places.
On top of that, despite the fact that I am only leaving briefly, I know that when I come home, there will be people who will be gone, that I will miss so much. Rob is taking Ellen away, Jen is going to School, Tina and Trevor are leaving, and it seems to me I am forgetting someone else who is leaving. So basically, I will be really lonely when i come home.
And that is why it is so hard for me to leave. And that is why I sat at the kitchen table this morning with a bowl of peas and just started to the crying. Ellen must have thought I was crazy.
But despite the fear and anxiety I am feeling right now, I know that I made the right descision by leaving the Dollarama, because it has all but killed my potential as a person. I have become stuck there, and it was either get out of there now, or rot there and grow old and bitter full of regrets about the life I never lived. So that is why I decided to leave.
I assume that you really didnt care to hear all that, but it was just on my mind this morning, so that is why I had to blog about it.

COMMENT PLEASE

Please leave a comment. Maybe nobody reads my blog anymore. if you do, please comment, I enjoy reading comments for some reason.

cruelty

People can be cruel. People just seem to laugh at anything that is different than them. Sometimes, it just breaks my heart. Imagine having been born with some sort of disablity where everywhere you go, you could see people staring and laughing amongst their friends.
People are arrogant and rude, and truly think that they are worth more than others because they were so lucky to be born 'normal'.
And more than human cruelty and teasing, it is those who are Christians and still think that they are better than others that truly drives me insane. Not that I am perfect or that I have never made fun of another person, because I am not proud to say that I have. But still, when I hear a Christian talking about somebody else in a condescending way, I want to punch them in the face. I remember when I was in my final year at Bible College, it was so bad for this behaviour. I was disgusted with it all. Everytime I would walk into the kitchen, the 'cool' kids as I call them were laughing and bashing and imitating the people they thought were unworthy to be in their presence I assume. Seriously, they would take notes in class, notes of all of the stupid things that certain people would say, they would take note of anything stupid that certain people were wearing, and they would actually meet downstairs in the kitchen to ridicule these people behind their backs. I was so disgusted it made me want to puke. That year, I lost complete interest in school, I had no enjoyment in being there. I was uttertly turned off.
So my goal is to truly learn to love people. To never think that I am any better than anyone else. To stop gossiping entirely. I want to treat people equally. I dont want to be one of those people who gets a high from hurtful words. I want to love, as Christ loved. Its not easy when I am around people who are mocking others to walk away and do the right thing, not when I have about 50 funny comments running through my head that would contribute to the convo. So, to you people who know me, I beg you to hold me accountable for this, if you hear me laughing, slandering, gossping, or being rude, be bold and tell me to my face that I am being a jerk.
And to you people who think you are better than others or who find yourself caught up in making fun at others expense, I plead with you to look inside yourself, and realize that you are no more deserving of being treated well than anyone else. And if you are like me, and know it is wrong to make fun of others, but have a tendency to get caught up in the moment, I beg you to stop doing it. Walk away. Because the people you laugh at, they are people, who feel and bleed and cry just as you do.

the end of an era

So, I did. I gave my notice at the dollar store. It seems so weird, the last two years I have worked there, night in, night out, with very few days off. And now, 7 more shifts, and Im done. I have grown so close to my co-workers, and I know I will cry a lot on my last shift. It seems like the end of an era. And despite the insanly low pay with no chance of advancement, I am pretty sad about leaving. A chapter in my life will soon be over, and that is hard to swallow.
Night after night I laboured and laughed and sometimes took long breaks. Smelling Tushkas farts, listening to Shal sing and watching her act the fool, making fun of Nadinee, watching Tracys face when she tells a story. The sound effects, the boxes falling on our faces, the continous complaining about being single and talking about how men suck(mainly because they dont want us, or when they do, we dont want them back). Licking everything, dressingup boxes like babies, falling off of ladders, finding people in our dumpster at 2 in the morning. The picture taking, the newbies that came and went ,toilet clogging, Shals hair falling out, getting hooked on stupid expression that one of us started. Trying on undies(over the clothes), wearing pantyhoes on the head, dreaming about walking out, screaming about too much work, and so much more good times.
So, to this chapter of my life I say goodbuy, I will miss you. To the girls at work, I say, I love you guys so much. You have made a crappy job, not so crappy.
What next? What will I do? After I come home from Ontario, after I become unemployed yet again, what will become of my life? I don't know to be honest, and that feels kinda good actually. Because for the first time in over 2 years, I will be sleeping at night like a normal person, and getting out of the trap I call the Dollarama.
But with every new begining, comes an end. I will miss Tasha, Shalin, Nadinee and Tracey so much. They make me smile, they make me laugh, and sometimes, their depressing talk(mostly Tashas)made me cry. But all in all, it's been a lot of fun, and for that I thank you.

Just a part of something Ive been writting

Its crazy sometimes, the life we choose to live. The way that we allow ourselves to be locked inside of a problem we don't even want to admit exists. So, we stay, chained to ourselves and slaved to our master, we refuse to move forward to a place where maybe we could find true happiness.... a happiness that comes not from within ourselves, but from a creator, the one who knows us, more deeply than we know ourselves.
The Father, the one who made us, and formed us within our mothers womb, who gave not only his place in heaven, but his very body so that we could be free. He is the very embodyment of the love we so deeply long for. And yet, all to often, we look away. Desperate to become fullfilled, we search every corner, every bar, every pleasure on this earth, but still come up empty. And still, He sits and longs for us to see who he is and what he has done to fill up the place we've long tried to complete ourselves.
Some may try to become complete through relationships. Yet, no matter how intimate, and how hopeful it seems at first, it cannot complete. No man or woman on this planet can fill the spiritual void in a weary soul. Flesh cannot fill a spiritual void, for only Spirit can fill it. There is a basic truth that defines as humans; we are not perfect. We all are selfish, and at times hurtful. Placing complete trust in a human will only lead to disapointment. Is this to say that relationships are bad? Of course not, without relationships there would be no offspring, and hence to future generations. To put it simply, realtionships can bring some joy, and are created by God, however, without God, two people alone cannot copmlete each other.
Others try to become whole through working late hours to earn financial freedom. Who in their life has not imagined what it would be like to win the lottery, to never have to worry about bills? Who hasn't dreamed about walking into stores and not having to look at the price tag before making a purchase? Mansions and swimming pool, fast cars and designer clothes. Though, I realize shopping can be a rush, it can create a high. But it never can satisfy the yearning in a lonely soul. A full shopping cart does not equal a full soul. You could never buy, earn, or save enough to make yourself content. The more you have, the more you want, the more you want, the more you feel that you need.
Many try to climb the wall of social acceptance. Struggling to belong, they try so hard to become the one that everybody loves. Yet, in a room full of people, they still manage to feel alone. Some fight to attain power, but all the control in the world, and still they feel helpless. Others seek pleasure after pleasure, only to find themselves hung over from a life of wasted years.
Chained, and fighting to escape, few will ever find their way through this maze we call life. Narrow is the way that leads to life. Running as fast and as far as our legs will take us, few of us will ever know that we are running from the only one who could end the search forever. The one who could break the chains, and finally set our souls free. The one who could remove our burdens. His promise is clear, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."(Matthew 11:28-30)
Weary and burdoned we all have a choice. We can choose to continue fighting, continue running, continue lying to ourselves, or, we can humbly accept the one who can finally make us free from all of the garbage that has been eating away at our souls since as far back as we can remember. Each one must decide, and each one must live with the choice they've made.

Its a boy(how did that happen)?!?!?!

Well, today, they had a boy. His name is Forrest Jacques. The name very much makes me think of Forrest Gump, so that is funny. The baby is really healthy, and has some very proud parents. I couldn't help but cry listening to Paul talk about his son, and how beautiful he was.
WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO for babies!!!!!!!!

Special day

Today is a special day. May the 15th is my brothers birthday. He turns 26. I love Paul a lot. Deep inside of him is a heart that has been broken many times. But inside of him is a huge heart just dying to show itself.
Happy birthday Paul. Sorta weird, cause even though he is over 2 years older than me,I still think of him as my little brother. I guess because he is the youngest next to me. Today, on his 26th birthday, his wife, Heather is in labor. Happy birthday. I am so proud of them. I just wish that I could be there to see his face when he holds his baby for the first time. See, he is a mans man. He is one of those guys who tries to pretend that he doesnt have a heart. But I know how excited he is to have this baby. And when he looks at his little gift of God for the first time, I just know he will be bursting with joy, I really wish that I could be there. But I cant, so I sit here, waiting for the phone to ring, waiting to get the call when my brother will tell me he is a daddy, and the name of his little girl(i just assume its a girl, they all are!!). And this is the thing, all of my sibling with children have girls, four nieces I have, and none of them have Lisa in their name!! What the heck!! If this baby is a girl, there better be a middle name Lisa, or Ill start to feel unloved(lol). Since I will probably never have children of my own, the least you could do is give a kid my name!!(lol). Just kidding. Anyway. Still waiting for the call. Praying that everything goes alright and trying to keep myself busy so I can think of other things other than the waiting.

Michael Jackson and the media

I just finished watching a movie based on Michael Jacksons life. I think it was called 'Man in the Mirror'. And just a couple of years ago I watched the documentary 'Living with Michael'(Im not sure that is the name of it).
Now, there has been so much Michael in the media, I dont know what to believe. The man is in his 40's and lives in Neverland. A ranch like something out of a storybook, with ferris wheels, and go carts, and tigers. It is like a fantasy. And as far as I can tell, that reflects his inner being. Michael Jackson actually seems to live in a fantasy world. A world of make believe.
Clearly, you are more than likely aware of the alligations that he has faced in his life, and the new ones recently. I just wonder if he is innocent or guitly. Now, everything about the Neverland ranch and his creepy demeanor, point towards the fact that he may very well be a child molester. But somehow, that makes me wonder if he really is. It seems to me that achild molester would be more secretive about his fascination with children, for fear that people would figure him out. But Michael has openly admitted to caring for children, to sharing his bed with kids that were not his own.
When I see him, he looks to be very messed up, like there may be a few screws loose in his head. Maybe he is just a grown man who is a child on the inside. Maybe he does just love children, and want to make them happy. I dont know.
Now, considering the aligations he faced over ten years, and his general weirdness, ask meif I would ever let my nieces have a sleepover with him in Neverland, and my answer would certainly be 'not a chance in this world'. Which leads me to the question, "who in their right mind would let their child share a bed with him? Have a sleepover?" I tell you what I think about that, someone who wants money. Why else would you allow your child to spend the night with Michael Jackson? A man who has already been charged with sexually molesting children?
When I see him in the news, it breaks my heart. Partially because I really dont think that he is guilty. Its just so sad to see someone stuck in an imaginary world that he created for himself.
And then there was the whole dangling Prince Michael the second over the balcony in Germany. Weird as it was for him to do that, I dont understand the whole media frenzy over it. Clearly he wasnt going to let his son fall. He had a tight grip in the child. If anyone else had held a baby for 1/2 a second that way to show someone their baby, nothing would have been said about it. Its just sad. Its sad that since he was just a boy, he has been surrounded by the media, which has twisted his words, murdered his character, and messed with his head.
Clearly, he is not well. What man names their firstborn son Prince Michael the first and their second born son Prince Michael the second? Sometimes I just wish I could sit down and talk to Michael Jackson, or get inside of his head, or just try to understand how he got to be this way.
The only thing Im certain of in this whole Michael Jackson trial, Im sure glad Im not a member of this jury.

Heart attacks and life lessons

Yesterday, I had a heart attack. Well, probably not really a heart attack,seeing as I am still living and didnt go to the doctor, but something not cool was happening in my heart. It wasn't the first time this has happened either. Only just a little over a month ago, I had to leave work one night to go to the emergency room because my heart was all weird.
Yesterday was worse though, I was home alone, just trying to sleep, but found myself in the midst of something very weird. When I laid down, my heart started racing like crazy. I felt so weak, and when I stood up, I nearly fell over. My heart was going so crazy, I almost called 911. I thought that I was actually dying. Maybe I have some kind of heart condition I don't know about, maybe it is anxiety because I have been stressed and have a lot on my mind lately, I dont know.
But this I do know. When you are laying on your bedroom floor(on a pile of clothes since the floor is actually not visible), and you truly believe you are dying, you really start to see what is important to you. Because the last thing on my mind was how little stuff I had managed to accumilate in my short life, or how crappy my job was, what I really was thinking about was how few people i've shared Jesus with, and how easy it has become for me to be a mediocre Christian.
Although I didnt die, I thought I was. And sadly, as I sit here, my chest really hurts, so Im thinking today is going to be a lot like yesterday. But clearly, whether today or 70 years from now, one thing is certain, I am going to die. 1 out of every 1 person dies:fact. So, what matters to you? What do you want out of life? What do you value? Do you want to make money to buy stuff that will decompose along with mortal flesh? I for one, plan on investing in eternity. This body, this flesh that I wear, it comes with some downfalls; pain, suffering, wear and tear, and eventual decay. Praise God for the day we receive a new body, that will not age with time, that will not bleed and pass away.
Invest in what really matters. Life is brief. Ask any 80 year old and they will tell you, one day you wake up 20, the next you are 80.
More than anything I want my legacy to be one of love. When people think of my life, I want them to know that(though I am far from perfection!!!), that I was in love with Jesus.
My life, will end. My body, will die. My purpose? To love as Christ loved, to sacrifice, to serve, and to thank God continually for what he has done for me.

" But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. i consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ-the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship in sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection of the dead."
Philippians 3:7-11

American Idol and the Sin Wagon

Last night, I started watching American Idol. Now, throughout the course of the show, I have been hoping that Carrie Underwood would win(although, I was hoping Constantine would make it too, mainly because he is hawt!). See, I have a problem with idol music. I hear their songs on the radio when the competition is all over, and it drives me crazy. That is why I was going for Carrie, because she is a country girl, and I love country music. But then last night, she opened up the evening with a rendition of a Dixie Chicks song. Now, you also must understand that I love the Dixie Chicks. I love their voices, and their flare for fun music. But they have one song, one song that turns my stomach. One song that had made me throw out their cd(several times, I have issues with bying cds back). The song; Sin Wagon. Let me quote some of it for you:

Im on a mission to make something happen
feel like Delilah looking for Samson
Gonna do a little mattress dancing
thats right I said mattress dancing

Praise the Lord and pass the amunition
give me a little bit more of that
12 ounce nutrition
I dont know where Ill be crashing
but im arriving on a
sin wagon

When its my turn to march up to glory
Im gonna have one hell of a story
thats if he'll forgive me
oh Lord please forgive me

I'll Fly away(to the tune of the hymn)
on a sin wagon

This song is horrible. It disgusts me. It basically says I believe in God, i will follow Satan, and when the end comes for, Ill beg for forgiveness. It is basically pointing the middle finger to the heavens.
And of course, this is the song that Carrie sang last night. My stomach turned. And I just felt sick, because to be able to sing those words just to get votes really says something about the state of your heart. Its so sad. Its so sad that we live in a world that despises the cross of Christ, that despises God, that rejects the truth. It is one thing not to believe in God, but imagine believing in God and telling him that what he did means nothing to you.
As far as Carrie Underwood goes, she lost my vote(not that I can vote), as far as the Dixie Chicks go, Im really sad that one of the only songs they actually wrote themselves on the "Fly" album, is none other than Sin Wagon. But as far as Christians go, do we live that way, and not put into a song? Do we use God's grace a lisence to sin? I have been guilty of this at times in my life, ill be honest.
But, one thing I can tell you, I dont plan on arriving at the pearly gates on a sin wagon, I plan on arriving there covered with the blood of Jesus.

migrane

I have a migrane. So much pain.
Its the kind of headache where you actually cant move. Dont be surprised if my head blows up, im thinking that it may. I dont understand headaches, what causes them? I think it may be my eyes. It seems to start around my eyes,then progresses all the way to the back of my head. Last night at work, I had to stop working and lay perfectly still on the ground in my aisle and close my eyes. The light kills. And everytime I move it gets worse.
I have to stop writting now, because the screen is killing me. Frig, headaches are awful. Well, with my brain this sore, at least that proves that I actually do have a brain. lol.
boooo on migrane days!

another song

sometimes, I just get songs in my head, and I need to write them down before I forget them and they never become songs. That is why there are sometimes songs on my blog

fading smile is ever dying
she tries to hide it, cant stop crying
where her life used to be is a void she cant explain
wishes she would just stop breathing
and everything be like it used to be
before life got so confusing
before she lost herself in the crowd
a day when things just came so easy
a day where trusting didnt seem wrong
she swallows hard and tries to imagine
she hadn't become the one she despises

she cries out to be heard
it pierces the silence
the screams of the bitter
the cries of the lost
yet nobody hears them
will anyone answer?
and give them the hope
their hearts need to be whole

darkened eyes he tries to change this
he tries to fight but hes given up hope
hes always breathing, but not alive
a dead in his eyes is the key to his soul
shame finds its way to the core of his being
he hides what hes done, but not from himself
running hes trying to find some sort of meaning
but he just cant escape these demons within
he wants be noticed, and wants to be loved
and his anger and sadness destroys

he cries out to be heard
it pierces the silence
the screams of the bitter
the cries of the lost
yet nobody hears them
will anyone answer?
and give them the hope
their hearts need to be whole

May 8th, Mothers day, papas birthday

Today, I am emotional. I dont know why. Just sitting there in church, I just felt all emotional and teared up just thinking about how much I love my parents.
Can you imagine raising five Rancourt children? I can't. There must have been times my parents wanted to shoot us(or themselves). Five little friggers running around, fighting and arguing and crying and screaming. Man, thats a lot of kids.
As you begin to grow older, you really start to realize the sacrifices that your parents have made for you. They could have had nicer stuff, lived in nicer homes, ate better food, driven sweet cars, but instead, they had five kids.
And the number one thing that I am so grateful for is my parents faith. My dad is a rock. A man who trusts God through everything. His attitude and example has molded the person I am today. He is a fountain of wisdom, and what you see is what you get. His faith in God is evident to all who know him. My mom has the kindest heart imaginable. She is so willing to help anyone who needs it. She is a servant, and her attitude has taught me to love. God has welded these two together, and he has worked on them so much, and he uses them everyday to help a world in need of truth.
To my parents, I say thank you. Thank you so much for all that you have done, for all the sacrifices you have made, for all the sleepless nights, for all of the prayers. And more importantly, thank you for showing me what it truly is to be a Christian. Your lives have changed me. I dont know where I would be without your faith. I know I am at times difficult, cranky, ungrateful, and bitter. But youve truly shown me what life is all about. You are amazing parents and God has blessed me just with the chance to know you.
And to God, I say thank you. Thank you for papa and mom. I just hope that someday, I will have kids of my own, and if I could be half as good of a parent as they were, my children will be blessed.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY/BIRTHDAY

10 years

Wow, I can't believe it has been 10 years since my sisters wedding. Thats insane! well, ten years tommorow that is.
I try to think back to before there was a Matt in the family, but I really cant remember those days.
And then I try to think back before Dan and Han, and that itself seems hard.
And then I think to Nov 14th, and I think about how tommorow could be such a sad day, how we could all be sitting at home crying because it was supposed to be Matt and Francines anniversary. I remember hearing the words about the accident, but not really knowing what was going on. I remember not being able to stand, because it dawned on me that something was very wrong with Francine. I remember the feeling of being in the hospital, waiting for her to get out of surgery. I remember feeling like I couldnt breathe. I remember looking into Danielle and Hannahs eyes, and my heart breaking because there was a very real chance that their lives may never be the same.
So when May the 6th arrives. I will be thankful. Cause although apperently some people think my only purpose in life is to feel sorry for myself about the fact that I am single, I am so grateful to God for what he has given my sister. Because he has blessed her with life, and with a chance to raise her kids and with a third baby which is on the way. She gets to love her husband, and her husband gets to hold her. Her children have a mother(infact, probably one of the best mom that I know). I love my sister. And I am so grateful to God that she is here.
So tommorow, tommorow is a day to celebrate what God has done.

Im rude

I am a rude person, or so says anonymous commentor(comment left on my 'in case you wonder why I feel so alone' blog).Apperently I deserve to be alone. Thats awesome.
I am sure that I have been rude at times. I know that I am not perfect, and that I havn't always been perfectly patient and kind. And I apologize to you for my rudeness.
But clearly, bashing me in my blog without saying who you are, is not going to help anything. Im sorry for hurting you(as I am pretty sure I know who you are), maybe I was just having a bad day.
So, if anyone else would like to leave me a comment about why I deserve to be alone, please,at least tell me who the heck you are. If you have a problem with me, that is fine, but unless I know who you are and what Ive done, how can things get resolved?

Sin and stuff

The blame game is great. It is so easy to blame your mistakes on someone or something outside of ureself. Think of it, someone plays hockey and looses; it was the ice surface, the bad reffing, the lack of rest before the game, the fans wernt into it...... And so goes the list. But when it comes down to it, when a team loses(I know well about this as I am a Montreal Canadians fan), they need to take ownership of their loss.
The same goes for us. We screw up somehow, and we have to blame everyone else, or just something. Like Adam and Eve all the way back then, blaming each other or the snake, when really, they were the one who made the choice to eat the stupid fruit in the first place.
Falling is hard. And even harder is owning up to your boo boo's. Because with our falls, often comes guilt, and dealing with that guilt is not fun. So it is way easier to blame some other factor. But the problem is, until we realize we are the ones who frigged up, and until we realize what we have done, we cant really find healing.
And with the acceptance of our responsibility comes an insane amount of humility. It humbles me to no end the amount of grace I need. To know that when Jesus was on the cross, he was doing that for me, thats crazy. Why would he do it? I am astounded by the mercy and grace of God. If I had never realized how filthy I truly was(and am), I would never see why I need the grace of God so much.
And what I find even harder than accepting responsibilty for my sin, is accepting forgiveness. Somehow, it seems all to easy to just ask and be forgiven. Forgiven by a perfect God, who suffered for me, who continually sins despite his awesome love. It hard to accept. It's like, sometimes in my head, I think that if Jesus had to suffer so much for my sin, I should to. So, instead of asking for forgiveness, I carry it around with me, feeling so guilty and hopeless.
But that is when I am reminded that Jesus died. No, he didn't have to, and no he didn't want to, but he did. He did because he cares for a wretch like me. Humbled by his grace. That is what I am. I come with nothing to offer God but a filthy heart, and still he chooses to love me, that is amazing.

Flat broke

Im flat broke. It is so poopy. It wouldn't be so bad if payday was just a few days away, but payday isnt for two weeks.
You know that panic feeling that you get when you realize you have no money. That feeling when you want a drink of pop so bad but you know you cant have any. Man it sucks.
The end/beginning of the month sucks. Rent is due, student loan is due and future shop is due, that takes up more than my paycheck. So, I just have no money.
What doesn't kill me will only make me stronger I guess. But I tell you one thing, when I do get paid, I will drink like six full bottles of diet caffeine free pepsi in one friggin' sitting. And in the meantime, I am certainly going to learn to appreciate water. Gross, water is so gross. Like who really likes to drink it anyway. Its so blah. I crave the burn of pop, and water certainly doesn't have the burn. Like I drink a full glass, and I think to myself "did I just drink something, cause it sure doesn't feel like I did!"
Booo on water, hurray for payday! I can't wait to get paid. I guess I have to though.

All I have(is yours)

This is all I have to bring
and lay down at your throne
take my heart,and take my life
I am not my own

You purchased me with your cleansing blood
you came to set me free
so all I have I give to you
my sacrifice is me

so take me and mold me
use me if you will
no matter what happens
Ill glorify you still

This is all I have to bring
and lay down at your throne
you have my heart, you have my life
I am not my own